Do your parents fight a lot?

Parents that fight in front of their children are stupid 

Fighting Parents

I know it is very difficult to push yourself in the path of career if your parents argue or fight a lot. This usually happens when both of them are not ready to bow against each other. The situation becomes worse if at times, you have to stand with any of them. You have the option to choose between any one of the two. As a child it will be very difficult to deal with, I understand. The mental state of a child is not ready to accept such situations. Particularly those in their adolescence will be the most affected. 

It is seen that some males, though a loving father, fail to protect the privacy of his wife and children. This has serious consequences upon a child's perception of life. Such children are sure to alienate from society and develop a life based on their own thoughts and experiences. This will simply make their lives hard in most instances. They will not be able to mix up easily with others. They will develop abnormal shame, guilt and fear. A boy child will be more affected mentally than a girl child. But such children will again come out to be as creative, smart and caring. 

Why does your father or mother behave like that ?

Your father may be a person with a traditional mentality. The only way to change him with least damage is not to try to change him. A middle class father always remains in a pressure situation. It is really difficult sometimes to manage the house for him. This results in the development of an irritating and arrogant mindset which becomes normal again as the salary is received. Another reason for frequent arguments may be due to the origin of your father, I mean his ancestry. A dominant male often tries to stop his wife with his loud voice. Both of them may have dominant traits for which both are not compatible in certain aspects. A middle class father has to depend on others on many fronts, so sometimes he may give more importance to his benefactors in front of you. Due to lack of understanding, this usually results in fighting between them. 

Your mother may think that she is always right in between her and her husband. Or maybe she is a suspicious kind of lady. She may develop jealousy very soon. Possessiveness and some amount of jealousy is cute in relationships but when it crosses the limit, results in fight or argument. A father may also become jealous or possessive which after a certain limit turns into a furious battle between the two.

We can divide such parents into three categories. 

• They fight but no physical clash happens
• They fight to the extent of having physical harm like slapping or beating
• They fight and cross the limit to become separated or divorced

Some of them use rude and slang words. Some come to normal very soon while some parents take two or three days or even a week to become normal. 

Problems that you will encounter as a child

The surroundings or the situations amidst which a child grows directly impacts his internal and external behaviour. Such children will develop a sensitive character and they become so emotional at times. The major problem you will face is in your approach towards the behaviour of other people. You'll develop unnecessary shyness, fear and guilt. Often due to insecurity, fear and shyness, you may deliver unconventional responses towards others. As you grow up like that, slowly and slowly people and friends will start to avoid you. But the true and understanding ones will always be there, no worries. Due to such approaches, you'll not be able to cope up easily in certain situations. The reason is that the scenes or behaviour of your parents keep disturbing you from inside. If you're facing such a situation, my dear don't worry because you're a special child. God is crafting your path. He wants you to become strong and successful. 

Parents Fighting

How to ignore such situations and stick to your life and goals? 

1. Delete your emotion

You have to be fake when it comes to emotion. You have to be strong enough so that such a situation doesn't influence you anymore. Whenever you come across such a situation, just try to go away to the maximum distance possible. Take a deep breath and leave everything to God - be like water. Your silence will pay you later. You will find that you're able to concentrate better and a sense of peace fills your heart all the time. 

2. Be goal oriented

I know as a small child, these things are not easy. You can't see your parents arguing like that and at a moment, you'll indulge in the fight. But if you care for your next goal, you're sure to avoid such a clash. Your goal is your priority. Next time just divert your attention towards your goal. 

3. Be independent 

If you're independent or less dependent on one of your parents, then it is an advantage for you to tackle such situations. Sooner you're able to earn, your middle class father will feel less burden. He will never express it directly. But it's your responsibility to acquire relevant skills and earn as much as you can without hampering studies. By becoming financially independent, you're giving them less scope to indulge in a fight. Being at least partially independent will give you enough courage to handle such parents and situations.

4. Avoid relatives

Your paternal relatives will support your father in most cases and your maternal relatives too will support your father. If your maternal ones are richer, then support will go towards your mother. There will always be an imbalance which will ruin the peace and prosperity of the families. Relatives cannot give you a permanent solution. In fact, some dishonest and cunning relatives can take undue advantage from such situations. Moreover, involving relatives in your family matters means losing your privacy as a family. Seeking relatives or friends on such problems is a form of dependency. It's better you learn to deal with your problems from childhood itself and show a different face to the outside world. 

5. Give them space

Try to spend weeks away from them. You can rent a room that you can afford some kilometers away from your home town or city. However, if you're a child, this will not be possible for you. But once you are able to afford it, don't wait. This way, you can be more productive in your work and studies in a silent room alone. This is like playing a game with their emotions. Don't let your father or mother know about the exact location or the work you do. Don't call them too often. This will keep them curious. They will feel your absence and in the process will avoid fighting. 

Girl looking Sad

Psychiatric help is not good

To escape from your parents' rude behaviour, taking psychiatric help is the worst thing you can do. You'll lose your money, time and health by doing so. Most of the psychiatric drugs are sleep inducing which will definitely have a negative impact on your health and lifestyle in the long run. Change must come from the will of the mind and not with the help of medicines. What will happen if medicines are stopped? Have you thought about it? You cannot rule out the possibility of addiction even. 

It's unfortunate that in this short span of life, some children have to bear unnecessary mental stress due to their parents' misbehaviour. My simple suggestion is accept them as they are. Don't try to change them. Your alignment of life depends on your degree of acceptance. Think of them who have lost their parents. You still have both of them. Enjoy their fight or argument. Take it as watching a movie. 

Start writing each and every part you witness as a victim child. Try to trace the pre-fight and post-fight movements of your parents. This way you'll acquire a lot of knowledge on behaviour and psychology of a happy and peaceful married couple. However, don't give extra effort unless necessary. Just take it as a form of creative writing. The idea is to make the most of your parents' fighting moments. Last but not the least you are not the only child that faces such situations. Always think, your problems are the least.